There you are, pushing yourself to do something that stresses you out. You’re managing to do it, but it’s frustrating, but you’re doing it. Then it happens.
That tight feeling in your chest. Pain in your arm and neck. It’s hard to breathe. You may even feel dizzy.
It feels like a heart attack.
You call 911, walk away from what you were doing, and head to the hospital. The pain eases but continues. They run blood tests, take xrays, do an ekg.
Everything says you’re fine.
You feel like a jackass, because you stopped doing whatever it was that was challenging you. You feel weak, not good enough to do it, even though you were. People tell you that you scare them, that maybe you should back down. You think that maybe they’re right.
It’s limiting. It’s degrading. You can’t explain it, and you’re just not sure whether or not you should even continue to try to do hard things.
I have panic attacks sometimes. They suck. They try to make me spiral into self-destruction.
I could take a pill that will limit my ability to do whatever it is while it reduces my frequency of panic attacks. Thus is not much different from giving up on it.
If I push myself to do whatever it is, my body will try to override my brain and prevent me from doing it.
I wish there was something that I could do or take to overcome this, but I haven’t found it yet. For now, I keep trying. I only have to succeed once to be able to know I can do it.
For now, it’s hell. I guess I have to just put my head down and keep going, though.
If I want to do the things that are hard that I want to do, I have to keep on trying. Things I don’t want to do, well, I won’t do unless I must
Does anyone understand this that doesn’t experience it? Can it be explained in a better way that people will understand? If you have thoughts on this, please tell me. If you experience this, how do you manage?