Decades are funny. You hear about people getting all weird at this decade or that, we make a big deal of a person’s nth decade of life. I don’t think too many people go into a decade thinking that it will be a big deal.
For me, having just recently passed my 4th decade, it has been kind of a big deal. Looking back, each has been, in its own way.
At 10, puberty hit. At 20, I was lost, and all seemed inpossible. At 30, I had kids and was developing a successful career.
40. Here I am. I went into the dark for a while in my 30s. Embraced the crazy and tried to exit society for the loft seating from which I could scoff at the madness of society and try to embrace disdain.
I don’t have that much to show for that time, though. I learned myself, and perhaps that was necessary of painful to me and those who depended on or cared for me.
I’m done with it now, though. The cold and dark is soothing and all, but it really isn’t living at all. Life, the experience of it, is being a cog in something greater than ourselves. Society itself is an organism which works best when the parts all interact well, and while no cog is required all are valuable.
I’m valuable. I have something to add. If I had the means to make lives better, I would simply for the joy of it.
I want that. I want to be involved again in the world, and maybe make it better for a few.
To do it, to get there, I have come to grips with my spirituality, and I approve of where I am with it. I think God and I have come to terms, and I’m willing to submit as I am able. I don’t mean I’m going to get all judgey, or weird about anything. The God I know is pretty chill, and man has been a ducky interpreter along the way.
The other big thing: I have to go back to doing work that makes me feel like I’m doing something of value. Customer Service is a job, sure, but I want to build stuff.
So yeah. 40. Big changes. Maybe I’ll crash and burn and at 50 make another big turn. Maybe I’ll find out what life is by embracing this whole life and joy thing. Better living through eudaimonia, maybe.