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Decades are funny.  You hear about people getting all weird at this decade or that, we make a big deal of a person’s nth decade of life.  I don’t think too many people go into a decade thinking that it will be a big deal.

For me, having just recently passed my 4th decade, it has been kind of a big deal.  Looking back, each has been, in its own way.

At 10, puberty hit.  At 20, I was lost, and all seemed inpossible.  At 30, I had kids and was developing a successful career.

40.  Here I am.  I went into the dark for a while in my 30s.  Embraced the crazy and tried to exit society for the loft seating from which I could scoff at the madness of society and try to embrace disdain.

I don’t have that much to show for that time, though.  I learned myself, and perhaps that was necessary of painful to me and those who depended on or cared for me.

I’m done with it now, though.  The cold and dark is soothing and all, but it really isn’t living at all.  Life, the experience of it, is being a cog in something greater than ourselves.  Society itself is an organism which works best when the parts all interact well, and while no cog is required all are valuable.

I’m valuable.  I have something to add.  If I had the means to make lives better, I would simply for the joy of it.

I want that.  I want to be involved again in the world, and maybe make it better for a few.

To do it, to get there, I have come to grips with my spirituality, and I approve of where I am with it.  I think God and I have come to terms, and I’m willing to submit as I am able.  I don’t mean I’m going to get all judgey, or weird about anything.  The God I know is pretty chill, and man has been a ducky interpreter along the way.

The other big thing: I have to go back to doing work that makes me feel like I’m doing something of value.  Customer Service is a job, sure, but I want to build stuff.

So yeah.  40.  Big changes.  Maybe I’ll crash and burn and at 50 make another big turn.   Maybe I’ll find out what life is by embracing this whole life and joy thing.  Better living through eudaimonia, maybe.

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Liberty or death needs to become a thing we understand and mean again.

This is what I read that made me rant like this.
All of you people out there that are ‘Yay Liberty!’, we need to talk about Trump for a second.  All of you who feel that one constitutional or civil right or another is all encompassing and important, listen up.
One of the things that I heard sold as a good reason to vote for Trump was that he would pick supreme court justices and cabinet that would be willing to protect thus or that and build up business and ‘make America great again’.  It all sounds great.
Except… he recently chose a guy for AG who is all for the reduction in liberty we have gained over the past 20ish years.  Not cool, man.
I’m as peaceful a person as they come, but I’m going to watch close, and should things back slide into the various isms being okay for any reason, I will be prepared to fight, protest, whatever.  
That said, that seems to be my attitude for every president.  Obama freaked me put with Obama care and random acts of assassination.  W. gave us the Patriot act and the surveillance nightmare with that.  So I’m not prepared to call for a revolution or something, but I am saying to be watchful.
The United States citizen is only powerful if we work together, and to do that we have to agree that if the defense of one right or equality of one group is important, then they are all important and to be defended.  Even to our deaths.
I will not live in a nation in a regression to monstrous ways of treating human beings without fighting against that change for evil.
For those that use Jesus’ name in support of this garbage, please remember that Satan was once God’s most favored, powerful, beautiful angel, and any that appear as if they fit the role of Christ in a situation are often antichrist in their ways. 
Be watchful, but be hopeful.  Be happy but prepared for hard times.  Together, we can do anything, individually, we can sow the seeds of liberty.
If you’re feeling this share it.

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Why aren’t we building a ship intended for just space travel?

Elon Musk is hell bent to get to Mars and I support that.  Humanity needs to get off this planet and have it turned into a garden/reserve.

That said, we keep talking about these one way shots to Mars.  It seems like we’re wasting a lot of time on things that could be done more cheaply and efficiently with a good planned infrastructure.

My position: I believe that we will be much better off going ahead and building all of the things to get us to Mars and back on a regular basis.  

SpaceX and friends have taken the first step towards this, with reusable rocketry.  This reduces the cost of travel to low earth orbit by a large amount.  This has lead to discussion of flying a rocket from Earth’s surface to Mars.

The problems here are impressive.  We can’t afford to carry humans, their provisions, the necessities for the months long trip, the fuel, etc. In a one shot trip escaping Earth orbit and landing safely on Mars.  The initial launch would be ridiculouslying expensive to put it mildly.

On top of that, travel outside of Earth’s magnetosphere carries with it threats we have to prepare for.  There needs to be shielding to deal with cosmic radiation that is less plentiful near Earth.  They need some kind of protection from the much smaller asteroids and such that would act as the iceberg to our Titanic.

So.  We are talking about a ship that has to be built using materials and industrial capability we have on Earth in quantities that would strain our planetary supplies. 

For this, we need a shipyard.  In space.  A drydock, pressurized or not, that is for the construction of ships that are not intended to enter an atmosphere.  With this we need an infrastructure to support it.  We need a commercial/residential space station where the construction workers and their families can live, and other workers can provide them with opportunities for socialization, entertainment, health services.

For all of this, we need resources that aren’t handy in quantity without disruption on Earth.  That means the moon and nearby asteroids would need to be harvested and mined, and industry would need to move to the medium of space to save on the costs of the flight from Earth to Space.

They would probably find, once they got moved, that things are cheaper to manufacture in space, and the costs of delivery to Earth would be a tiny percentage of the trip from Earth.

To me, that’s the step we should be working on.  It kills two birds with one stone.  Environmental pollution shrinks tremendously, manufacturing costs go down, poverty reduces, it just has an investment cost.

And there ends my thought for now.  Might continue this later.

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The Afterlife


I’ve been sitting here, waiting, for…  I don’t even know how to define it.  It feels like 3 hours, so let’s say that.  I just wish they’d pick something.

I mean, the first 5 minutes or so we’re great.  The whole welcome wagon was there when I woke up.  Various minor sub deities, some pretty weird ones I’d never heard of, including some guy talking about embracing despair, they were all there.  I mean, it was like being surrounded by aliens or something, you know?

But then, they’re appearing, one at a time, in my mind.  It’s the weirdest feeling, having a being rummage about within you seeking value, when this being is so much greater than you.  Moment to moment I had this alternating experience between destruction, creation, wrath, resolve.  It was madness and genius and every potential that I have been or could be, separated as distinct experiences over the course of each moment.

Then, they were gone.  Out of my head and now in an arena, champions chosen by each.  Things blacker than black battled, rage-filled with beings of purest light.  It was as if reality warped upon itself.

And then, they stopped.  Standing, bloodied and beaten, but staring at me.  Are they waiting?


What the fuck?  Look, I just got here, nobody has told me shit.  Am I being chosen by someone?  Am I choosing?


Dude.  I get the silent treatment for hours, and you guys fight and now I’m supposed to choose?  Choose what?  Is this Heaven?  Hell?  A dream?



Ngh.  Awake.  Darkness.  Wet?  Definitely…  am I breathing?  What the Fuck is going on?  OH MY GOD I’M NOT BREATHING!

Wait.  I’m not breathing.  It’s okay.  Whew.  Where am I now?  I kind of remember…  a dream?  Of what?


Oh fuck!  A doctor!  Maybe I can explain to him.

“~~Doctor~~ WAHHHH!”

Oh shit.  Ah fuck.  Not again.

Wait, this woman, she’s on the bed.  That’s my mom.  Ok.  She looks like hell.  Wait.  Where’s… oh there he is.  Douchebag by the door.  Ok.  Fuck.

Not again.  Dammit.  One of these times I gotta pick something.


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Why people are ‘feeling the Bern’

Thus is why Sanders is doing well in the US.

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Birthday thoughts…

Yay me…  Another point!

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I can’t prove it.

I can’t prove that I exist to a satisfactory level to myself.

It frustrates me.  Whatever evidence I find in favor of the idea I exist is stymied by the argument from the Matrix or the Brain in a Jar idea.

Part of my difficulties in understanding humanity may lie in the fact that this is a major issue to me.

I wonder sometimes whether it would be better if such things were utterly boring to me.

Sorry.  Just some ramblings.  I want to start trying to put some of my randomness here, so expect more like this.

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