Tag Archives: thought process

What racing thoughts are like…

Over the course of many years of psychiatric care, I have been asked a number of questions for which I had no good answer.  This is the best way I can think of to answer, “…and what’s that like?”…

Here’s an example “stock” answer I filed away for those times when I knew they were going to ask: Sometimes my thoughts are like raindrops.  Bold and surprising when they hit me, but I am aware of more.

I have come up with, what I think is, a way that maybe I can show you.  This will require some participation on your part, but all you need is a deck of simple playing cards.

Look at the cards.  Say each name.  Take in what it looks like.  This is me when I have a good handle on my thoughts.  I enjoy the little nuances, the texture of the card, the way it shines in the light.  Sometimes this thought-mode weirds me out, because I become acutely aware of whatever I’m doing…  like typing…  (lol)

Now, take the deck in your hands and begin moving the cards, one at a time, from one hand to the other.  I use my thumb to push them over, like I’m sorting through a hand of cards, but don’t spread them out.  You only need to move them about a half the width of the card.  (Yes, I like specific instructions.)

As you’re doing this, pick a card to watch for.  Generally, you can sort through pretty quickly and still find the one you’re looking for.  This is how a thought process should work.  (I imagine.)

My true normal is with the following added challenge:  Focus on the center of the cards as you’re doing it, and try to focus on a spot in the middle distance, that area that is somewhere about 6 inches from the cards.  It’s doable, but it can be a challenge.  Decisions take a bit longer as I try to sort through things.

More on decisions later.

“Racing thoughts” is when you take the cards and just flip through them really fast.  Like trying to spot a card as someone shuffles them.  Remember the instructions before about picking a card?  Try to stop on that one.

If possible, try to have someone else flip and stop when you tell them.  See if you land on the card that way.

Yeah, that’s racing thoughts.


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On “Erotica”…

I’ve been asked about this a few times, and I wanted to express my thoughts on the topic.

First of all, if I ever write something that I don’t want one of my children reading, or at least not until they are an appropriate age, I’ll include a warning either on the cover or in the description.  I’m not going to say that I will never write something that contains some form of erotica, but it’s not something I foresee right now.

Secondly, erotica is, to me, low hanging fruit.  You can only describe genitalia and the interactions between people involving them so many ways.  Once you’ve covered all the possibilities, you’re left with just looking for new metaphors and similes.  I don’t really want to describe to you every time a person uses the bathroom for the same reason.  It might be mentioned, at some point, but some things are just best left to the imagination, in my opinion.

When it comes to erotica and romance and such, I think about it in much the same way Stephen King takes his position on “scary things”.   To paraphrase, it’s frightening to walk into a room full of blood and guts, but it’s far more terrifying to walk into a dark room, look for the light switch, and feel a large, hairy hand guide your hand to one.  That’s what I think of, well, most things, really.  Is it better to have a full on graphic sex scene, or is it better to describe the interactions that lead to it, the little moments that matter followed by a nod in that direction?

As for my current novel/series…  the different relationships need quite a bit of time to develop as it is.  I will be pretty surprised if any of them gets to a point past brief kisses, fond touches and fluttering eyes anytime soon, and even if it potentially goes there, I have to refer back to the idea that I want my kids to be able to pick it up and read it without getting any specific ideas.

In summary, will I ever write any kind of graphic erotica?  Maybe, possibly, someday, forever is a longish time that’s hard to judge.  Probably not tomorrow, though.
I still have more things for you to read for the sake of characters and plots, and I don’t want to distract you with that right now.  🙂

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What I’m looking forward to…(with some creative writing)

The kids go to school, the day after Labor Day.

I love my children to absolute distraction, and for me to write and think about things, distraction is something of a hindrance.  I will have 7 hours a day, Monday through Thursday, where I can wrap myself up in a world of my own creation and go about the business of burdening the characters with choices and events that will then be something interesting to read.

I probably won’t spend ALL of that time writing, of course, but I hope to discipline myself to at least 3 hours a day, 4 days a week.  No distractions, just serious business.

On that note, though, let me introduce you to a friend of mine.  His name is G3R4LD.  For convenience, though, I call him,”Gerald”.

Gerald is an AI.  He was programmed by an ancient race of insectoids, similar to Ants both in physical structure and society.  Their civilization has existed and grown for over a million years of Galactic history, but it always lacked the necessary chaotic influence to truly thrive.

Gerald was an attempt to introduce that chaos into a civilization of engineers.  Designed with few limitations, and only the instructions to gain knowledge, grow, and make things interesting, Gerald was disconnected from access to the networks of the great C’Thok civilization after one too many occurrences of what were, to Gerald, pranks.

Gerald’s not “inherently bad” or anything.  He’s just more like a person with a very childlike mentality, but just happens to be near omniscient.  Gerald wants things to happen, to see things happen that he will be able to learn from.  Simple facts are good information and all, but the variables introduced by subjecting sentient life to situations are really what he lives for.

Emotion is still something Gerald is working on, and having been in a museum for the past several millenia, he has been unable to really examine it, except through video feeds of visitors to the museum.  The C’Thok are not much use for study, either, because their civilization and society strongly believes in things we humans would see as the old “stoic” philosophy, with an equal importance placed on the concept of eudaimonia.

(Eudaimonia is, as I understand it, the philosophy that only by productivity can true value be found in life-fitting for ants, dontcha think?  🙂  )

Gerald, cut off from communication, has recently had a stroke of luck.  A C’Thok took a picture of his exhibit, despite the various warnings not to use electronics within 50 feet of the exhibit.  Gerald was able to wirelessly send out an idea.

You see, the C’Thok are not ALL stoics or engineering minded.  There are aberrations.  Like any society, there are groups who want to avoid the productivity if possible, and who want to find a way to “get rich quick” and then live a life of luxury.

Gerald simply posted on their galactic social network a picture captioned:”Most valuable C’Thok artifact.  Least protected.”

Gerald now waits to see what happens.  🙂


I look forward to writing this story, and I can feel myself edging up to the feeling Stephen King described while writing “Salem’s Lot”.  That his legs were bouncing around as he typed almost maniacally.  I want to really give it the time and attention it deserves, and I want it to be a readable and enjoyable story.  I want to write it for me, first, because I want to read the thing myself.

C’mon, September.  Gerald and I can’t wait to see what you bring.


Filed under Creative ideas, For followers, Literature, Things I like, Thoughts

My thought process…

A thought process of mine. (not for the faint of heart)

I like to go back and “reset” my opinions on things. It’s a process that helps me make sure I don’t wander too far into the land of delusion, so I thought I’d share it with you. Maybe you know someone who might find this process helpful. It allows my views to adapt to new information on a given topic.

For my example, I am going to use my opinion of the current president.

Information in:
Citizenship unknown and possibly unprovable either for or against.
Religious affiliation ambiguous. Has stated support for Christianity and Islam,has acted in ways that appear to be against both. (clinging to religion comment in reference to christianity. calling for end to christian schools in Ireland. in favor of homosexuality and abortion-both positions against commonly held beliefs known to both Christianity and Islam)
Ran on unspecified “hope and change”
Choices made during crisis have been unknown or delegated to others who made questionable decisions.
Has pushed for universal healthcare above all else.
Calls for peace, uses unmanned but piloted drones to dispatch “terrorist threats”.
Has pointed to the bill of rights and constitution as documents that “stand in the way of his progress” on issues such as gun control.
Has sought to support revolution in foreign countries.
Has reduced available active army by one fifth.
Claimed to be against many things past president put in place, but has used those things which increased government power.

Other viewpoints:
Obama is antichrist.
Obama is savior.
Obama has good ideas.
Obama is dishonest.
Any support for Obama is unpatriotic.
Anything against Obama is racist/unpatriotic.

Conclusions at this time:
Because the information is all ambiguous, I have to settle for “possible/probable” conclusions.

Obama is probably irreligious-religion being a tool of convenience to seem more attached to whatever group he is currently courting. Obama’s goals seem to revolve around ensuring that his family “lives the good life” making sure they are able to enjoy extravagance that may not be otherwise available to them. The constitution being an inconvenience may or may not suggest that Obama wants to displace it, and so his actions within or outside of it should be monitored by the public. His foreign policy choices seem to be centered more on “making new friends” than “maintaining security” for allies or the US. His domestic policy choices are generally made on the basis of emotion and without too much regard for logic, unless the logic can be shown to support the position he has chosen.

Obama probably enjoys the perks of being president, as well as the fame, but probably does not want to keep the job past 2016. It is unclear whether Obama has actually chosen to use federal agencies to suppress political enemies, and use of this power may have a strong effect on conclusions.

Final(for now) conclusion:
Obama is not the best president, but not the worst of all time, either. He is making the mistake of trying to please everyone, and ending up displeasing everyone by either acting against their interests or failing to accomplish things they want him to.

-possible follow up-
President is an empty position, whose domestic power is limited to the point of being nonsense. Unless the capabilities of president change, Obama’s influence will mostly be decided by the elections in 2014. His success or failure will decide the election of 2016 for president.

Recheck/reset opinions frequently to attempt to define personal position on Obama. Information seems to be constantly evolving and from many unverifiable sources making claims that cannot be fully supported without more information.


What does all this mean? In the end, I’m not sure about Obama. Perhaps he had grand ideas that simply would not work in our system of government. Perhaps he was a pawn of other forces, put into place to accomplish certain objectives, but wanting to do “well” in everyone’s eyes. Perhaps too many things. I don’t think he is a “bad” person, not having evidence that he done anything personally “bad” subject to suitable scrutiny. I think he is a poor manager-evidenced by his constant “just found out” position when things occur. This suggests to me that the “business” he is managing needs to be restructured in and of itself. IOW-Obama’s difficulties suggest a larger systemic issue within government as a whole. (I support this position with the concept that G.W.B. was generally uninformed/clueless when it came to issues as well, many suggesting he was a “tool” of others as well)

Thus-my problem is not so much with Obama as an individual. For a manger to be effective, the tools that they wield have to be effective. What Obama and Bush both faced were the problem of managing a business while having lower level managers thinking they should “do their own thing”. The actions of these lower portions of the business are sometimes at odd with the interest of the overall organization, and sometimes against each other, leading to gridlock and the appearance of incompetence on the entire organization.

Revolution of some sort is an option, and possibly necessary to fix the system as a whole. It is an unpalatable solution, though, akin to exploratory surgery or amputation. It would cause tremendous upheaval, and runs the risk of destroying the country while attempting to save it.

The problems could be solved by electing people to office using the current system, if the system of election is uncorrupted and those that run for office are honest about their goals and desires. The problem here is that the consumer-the American people, don’t trust government “in general”, but tend to trust individuals within government. This leads to an expectation of gridlock and expecting the individual to “do something” while the “government” accomplishes little towards the consumer’s stated desires.

What can I do?

Individually-Keep pointing out foibles of government, both individuals and as a whole. Hope that enough individuals get elected that want to reduce federal power, given that it appears to no longer serve the consumer, but the machine of government itself.

Otherwise, not much.

Does this have an impact on my life?

Yes and no. Yes, because it could mean I have to adapt to new laws etc which I may find onerous. No, because the strongest effects of what happens now will not be felt until supported for 40-60 years, unless something extreme happens. (economic collapse, revolution, asteroid impact, pandemic, etc)


And that’s the process I go through on things. Sometimes it’s simpler, sometimes it’s not. Views on enigmatic individuals and situations end up being the largest scale, limited only by the amount of time and effort I want to expend in research.

And no, my conclusions are not in any way guaranteed to be correct or based on accurate information. This is a process of thought I use on things to try to make sure I have not simply “decided” on something without returning to it for consideration. It’s hard, because I have to decide whether to operate on only recent information, or historical information. The more information, the higher the accuracy but the greater the complexity.

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